this song keeps running through my mind

Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket
never let it fade away,

Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket
save it for a rainy day

and I add:

take your star
bring it out
what you hold
in your hand
is nothing less
than all the wishes
ever made
upon every star
by all the kids
whoever wanted
wishes
to come true

cosmic destiny 

remember me

deny me
or remember me
regardless
I exist

what I bring
to your memory
are gifts too
precious
to refuse

use these gifts
or neglect them
I cannot
force your hand

but what awaits
if put to use
will be your
destiny

hidden in the words - pic by A. Goldsworthy

hidden voice

there is a voice
hidden in the
confines of the words

hardly noticed

the message protected
unless you knew
where to look

the voice is silent
to most

picture by Andy Goldsworthy 

old souls

somewhere,
within

an old soul
waits

kept,
but locked away

spiritual,
full of mystery,

yearning
to speak

deeply felt words

of the language
that connects,

with other
old souls

Soul of a tree by Andy Goldsworthy 

exposed soul

suppose my soul
was exposed,
a coil of ice

wrapped
around my body,
visible evidence

of what I
think

feel

believe

hot eyes could
penetrate
the secrets
I keep

and melt
the very
essence
of me

that is why
my soul
has a
lock and key

come rest 

weary one, come rest

the blight of the traveler
weariness creeping in
longing for the rest of home
but still the journey calls

still your mind
picture this
your head resting
in my hands

the strength I feel
can be yours
share it
claim it
for yourself

then off you go
your mind at ease
this peace, a gift
I give to you

pretty smiles hidden in dandelions 

"the dandelion has my smile"

After telling Steve why I couldn't send a picture of myself right away. (He has been so patient) I explain the reason. My smile, which used to be one of my better features, has now gone lopsided and quirky. It is a bit of a mystery. I wonder why I can't seem to smile for pictures. Caught unawares I think it's still there, but lately my smile refuses to comply.

That very evening I picked up a borrowed book entitled Peace Is Every Step - The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life by Thich Nhat Hanh. One of the chapters was The Dandelion Has My Smile. The author writes, "If you have lost your smile and yet are still capable of seeing that a dandelion is keeping it for you, the situation is not too bad." I guess that's it, if the dandelion is the guardian of my smile, then I need only think of it's pretty yellow face and I'll find what I'm looking for. It's worth a try.

I am my own Merlin 

from The Way of the Traveler

"My story is the journey of my life through time and space. It is a tale of valiant undertakings--fording rushing rivers, making my way through the dark woods, crossing the long, wide fields, battling dragons--this leads me to the crystal palace of wisdom.
Returned, I gather the threads of the journey. I prepare to tell my tale.
And what I have to say is this: "once upon a time....."

Once upon a time my life was planned out in minute detail. I was to be the princess and he the prince. We would grow old together and be buried together. But that was once upon a time and now I wonder who was I then, that I believed in such tales?

Now I know that the only prince in my life is the strength of my own spirit tested, fired in the hottest of fires and found to be resilient and faithful.
I go forth to battle dragons.

flower in focus 

how am I defined?

how am I defined?
a lover,
a friend,

would this definition
give focus,

bring me plainly
into view

I say,
label me not

and let
the definition

evolve with

t i m e

and thus,
the
mystery

of who
I am to you

may be
all the
richer

with the
defining
put aside

threads of lessons 

A quote from "The Way of the Traveler" by Joseph Dispenza

"I weave out of the fabric of my wanderings a tapestry of teaching. Everywhere I have gone, everything I have done, has been for this--the spiritual lesson that I now take within. Had I stayed at home when the journey called me, I would never have learned this lesson."

"Gratitude fills my heart."

I muse over the lessons presented . They fill me with the promise of new insight. I acknowledge them. They, in turn, keep their promise and I am changed.
Journey on traveler, keeping your mind open for revelation.

light in the darkness 

do not waiver

be silent
do not waiver
from the course

allow what matters
to penetrate
your mind

singsing costume 

where did that journey lead you?

Recently, I reflected on my PNG experience which lasted 9 years. They were not consecutive years. The first experience lasted 6 and a half years and the second, 2 and a half. The second experience was very different from the first. The first was almost ideal. That was why I wanted to return. However, the second experience was radically different.

PNG had begun self rule after years of Australian nurturing. I say, nurturing, because most of the time under Austalian leadership the country was stable. When I returned in the late 80's PNG had been on their own for about 10 years. Crime was prevalent and everyone I knew had a story. It made me sad because the PNG I knew and loved in the 70's was gone. I grieved much of the time. Two of my three children were born in PNG. When I returned they were middle and high school ages. My son was only 4 years old. When going into town on shopping trips (which amounted to trade store shopping for the essentials) I had to keep a close eye on the girls because they were often bothered by PNG men. Having girls that age drew unwanted attention. My son, however, blossomed in his new country. He ran barefoot everywhere and had countless friends of many nationalities. Despite the negative aspects, all three children still feel their international education was enjoyable and challenging.

We eventually had to leave because we were living under constant stress. The stress came from not knowing, if the next time you went out of your house, would be the time you were attacked or robbed. I felt immense empathy for the PNG people who were terrorized by those who were discontented. The lure of the city brought countless people who had no education or jobs. The system in place did not allow for equal opportunities. School was a privilege from which only the brightest could benefit. If students didn't pass the 6th grade test they were out and back in their villages. Most did not want to remain in the village. I hear it hasn't gotten any better.

Before I end this post I want to remember the beauty of PNG and its people. Some of my best memories are of "singsings". Everyone dresses up and dances for hours. It is like a festival. Drums play and people sing. The bright costumes of the people have been photographed by National Geographic Magazine. Another good memory is eating kaukau and greens with the rare delicacy of chicken or pig. I remember one time I bit down on a chicken claw and ever so discreetly removed it from my mouth. One would not want to offend when such generosity was being shown.

The children I worked with were my delight. They were so eager to learn and I learned so much from them. The women also have a special place in my heart. Such hard workers they are and bear the brunt of the physical labor. They are the gardeners who cultivate the land. That gives them status within the village. The women often walked past my house carrying huge bundles on their heads. The babies are carried in bilums handmade from special plants that grow in the bush.

I also remember the relationships that I enjoyed with fellow teachers in PNG. Conversation and gossip were the major pastimes. Potlucks, with the best food anybody ever ate, were often held at one another's houses. The older people, who had spent years in PNG, would share their stories of what it was like long ago. We would marvel at their adaptablity.

I remember the airplane ride as I was leaving PNG for the last time. I watched as the green mountains and winding rivers finally gave way to the ocean. I was saying good bye to so much. I would never be able to talk about the experience with people who truly understood. There was nothing at home that compared with PNG. I couldn't say it was like this or looked like this or tasted like this. All of that was gone forever. I will never return because of malaria. But for years afterward, every time I heard a single engine plane fly overhead, I was flying over the green mountains I had grown to love. Sometimes, it seems, it all happened in another lifetime, to someone else. It took someone to ask, "Where did that journey lead you?" and I am there.

a prayer for my child

child of mine
a prayer for you-

dear loving Light
keep her safe
from what
I do not know

keep her with
you at all times

keep her heart
within your reach

keep a watchful eye
on all her travels

keep her close
when fears arise

keep her strong
when it is needed

keep her mind clear
when doubts confuse

keep her spirit resolved
to reach the goals

she is determined
to achieve

inside my dream 

a dream 

a dream of mine

I want to blog about a dream I have. In 3 years I should be ready to retire. I am not waiting until I'm 65. I have had this dream for some time. I don't know where it came from but it's been hanging around for a number of years. I want to travel all over the North American continent in an RV. Almost a year ago on Valentine's Day I bought a Toyota Tundra access cab half ton truck. That was the first step towards realizing my dream. The next step will be to sell the house, buy an RV and begin my adventure as a rookie.

My traveling will have a purpose or purposes. One of the things I would like to do is join groups in different places that meditate for world harmony and peace. Another possibility is to tutor on reservations wherever I am needed or wanted. I would probably work where I stay to earn my keep. My retirement will keep me afloat if jobs are scarce. Most of what I want to do will be on a volunteer basis. I may be doing this alone or with my oldest daughter.

I have done research about different kinds of RVs and think I know the brand I want. I have friends who are full timers, as they're referred to, and they just love it. I know there will be difficulties but I will try to do as much research and learning as I can in the next 3 years. I go to every RV show I can and talk to RV owners as much as I can.

What excites me is traveling and seeing as much of the country as I can. My children have their reservations. They wonder if I will be safe. There are more and more single women doing this. It will be a way for me to visit them and have my own place to stay. Writing about this dream makes it come alive. I don't need much space to live in. My kids will be happy when they don't have to clear out years of accumulated clutter. I just hope my health holds out. So far so good.

PapuaNewGuinea flag 

so many memories

A fellow blogger is currently traveling in Thailand and posting his trip. A lot reminds me of my years in PNG(PapuaNewGuinea). I went there fresh out of college. I wanted to experience another culture. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. My first station was in Madang along the coast. I stayed with an Australian couple until I got my own small cottage. What I wasn't prepared for was the negative impression many people had about Americans. I had to develop a tough skin. But after 9 years, the Aussies were my favorite people. I loved their fun loving ways. When I tended to take myself too seriously, they had me laughing.

I enjoyed the PapuaNewGuineans. They have wonderful smiles. I respected them for their expertise in bush living. I remember not making direct eye contact with the men. That was taboo for women and wearing shorts or pants was another cultural taboo. I dearly loved working with the children. I was privileged to work with many different nationalities teaching English as a foreign language at an international and a church school. We made some wonderful friends there. Pictures of riding in the back of a landrover brought back memories of how bumpy the roads were. But, oh what fun it was, to bump along trying to carry on a conversation.

I am glad I had that experience in PNG. It gave me an awareness of how my country is perceived in the world. I learned lessons in appreciating a simple life style and the value of conversation. My last 3 years were a struggle because I often got sick. They were no longer spraying for mosquitoes and malaria was very prevalent. For that reason, I can't go back. But I don't regret the choice I made. It was life changing.

reflection 

and a quote from "The Way of the Traveler"

"I am the hero of my wanderings.
I go out and come back for a reason-and that reason is the theme of my traveling. In the theme are locked the lessons for which my soul is yearning.--Freya Stark, Perseus in the Wind

A theme in travel
revealed
is a priceless treasure.

My friend is the
"hero of his wanderings."

glass elephant 

still more from "The Way of the Traveler" by J. Dispenza

"We leave behind a bit of ourselves
wherever we have been."
-Edmond Haraucourt, Choix de Poesie

The mysticism of travel, alluring, leaving bits of yourself behind. Gathering bits of others to take along. All quite unseen, but deeply felt, when there is time to think.

quilt of hearts 

home space

h o m e
is
space

a safe space

where people

who bond

s h a r e

their lives

their laughter

tears,

fears,

and struggles


some who

l i v e in houses

are

strangers,

refugees,

whose hearts

search for

a h o m e


a prayer;

give

heart healing,

provide

a home space

for the

refugee in us

a work of art 

break the pattern, not the glass

break the pattern
break it to bits
break the pattern

go ahead
SHOUT
let your____out

fight the fight
wrestle your
darkness to the floor

what you demonstate
is a passion,
a love
of self,

C e l e b r a t e,
n o w
you're getting
s o m e w h e r e

what I imagine 

Ash Wednesday

Oddly, I like the beginning of Lent. It is a tradition in our church for pastor to put the sign of the cross in ashes on everyone's forehead. It is a very dramatic to see people return to their pews with the black mark of ash. It certainly is a reminder that we will all die someday "and to dust return".

Sometimes I forget about the mark and go to the gas station or the store. People, of course, stare. Those who know, pretend not to see. I remember and then rub it off. It gets on my fingers and clothing. I pause to ponder what it all means.

I have instructed my children about how the "after death" stuff should happen. I hope they grant me my wish. Cremate me, I ask, and sprinkle my ashes down a cascading waterfall in Yosemite National Park. Return me to water and earth and then death for me will be a release. I suppose this all sounds way too morbid. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be alive, really.
But on Ash Wednesday I'm reminded of these things.

he heard the love song

A quote:
"Under the microscope
I found that snowflakes
were miracles of beauty,
and it seemed a shame
that this beauty
should not be seen
and appreciated by others.
Every crystal was a
masterpiece of design
and no one design
was ever repeated.
When a snowflake melted,
that design was lost
Just that much beauty
was gone,
without leaving any
record behind."

1925 Wilson "Snowflake" Bentley
photographer and lover
of the very small

masterpiece of design

an angry song

users and takers
is that all we are
is that all we know

take from earth
until she can give
no more

steal her beauty
disfigure her
with shortsightedness

where is the vision
why must she sacrifice
endlessly

will she recover
from our greed

WILL WE?

love song to earth

if we could see
earth
through Creator's eyes

we would see beauty
in the very small
as well the
grandeur


we would cherish
each form of life
of element
of matter

we would see the intricate way
in which it was put together
so well managed
so well done

we would hope
that humankind,
a last minute
experiment in reflection

would want to
be a part
of this beauty

not for just a short time
but for all time

all the time
that dear earth
had to give

if left
unspoiled
nurtured
replenished

we might ask,
don't you see
earth is a love song
to you?

go to that place

go to that place,
you know, that special place
where your heart heals

and your imagination
winds its way
to holy, sacred truths

rest a while
drink it in
return only when
you are filled

if you choose
share with me
what you learn

then two
will know
the sweetness
of your journey

transformed 

More quotes from "The Way of the Traveler" by Joseph Dispenza

"My journey has opened me to the most spectacular vistas of the spirit. I offer myself, transformed, to those who stayed at home.....In telling the tales of my travels, I am made complete."

My friend is going on an elephant trek. Who can imagine what that will be like? For us at home, we can only wonder.

peace sister 

the anguish of war

thirteen faces
thirteen lives
thirteen families

war took them
and changed them
until
nothing
that was
will
ever be
the same


This was written after seeing the pictures of the most recent U.S. casualities in Iraq.
We will know humankind has evolved when war no longer makes sense.
Yes, there are Americans who abhor war. There are Americans who acknowledge the many thousands of Iraqi lives lost. We count all lives as important. Sadly, we aren't the majority.

guardians 

What a great day!

Today I attended an inservice which was exceptionally inspiring. I used the word "synchronicity" and the presenter knew what I was talking about. Of course, she would, she's from California. My heart and soul are in the west. I love the mountains in Montana and Colorado and the beautiful deserts of Utah, Arizona and New Mexico. Some day I will leave Ohio, my home for most of my life, and move to where the people speak my language, words like environment, meditate, drum circles, care of earth and recycle. The Midwest, unfortunately, doesn't speak the same language. There are pockets of people who do, but finding them is difficult. I believed for a long time that as long as I was near family, I could settle anywhere. After being away for so long, that became very important. But it's been 15 years and my spirit knows there is a place I belong. Responding to the terrain in a spiritual way has become essential. My heart is alive in the desert or near the mountains. When I'm there, I feel I have come home, and maybe, I have.

Quotes from "The Way of the Traveler" by Joseph Dispenza

"So long ago I heard the call of the journey. It has beckoned to me in a dream. With all the courage I could muster, I answered the call. Now I close the door forever on the past of myself. I walk into the future. Here new knowing waits for me, new doors open to me."

"To awaken quite alone in a strange town is one of the most pleasant sensations in the world. You are surrounded by adventure. You have no idea of what is in store for you, but you will, if you are wise and know the art of travel, let yourself go on the stream of the unknown."
--Freya Stark, Baghdad Sketches

Apparently, my friend knows the art of travel.

destination: rainbow

I can't go back
to who I was
when
everything
was grounded

now who I am
has to do
with things
I know
little about

Dorothy and Todo
went somewhere,
they say it was over
the rainbow

where them birds fly
them birds fly
them birds, they do fly
over that
r a i n b o w

why then,
I say,
say it again,
why then,
shouldn't I?

Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly 

he says he wants to see what I look like

what will he think
when he sees my photo?
will that be
all there is?

connection of spirit
sharing of thoughts
all ended
because of my face?

would it be an illusion
if mind, heart and soul
were all we saw
and skin
was just
the wrapping
around
what matters?

or is the illusion
the face,
that masks
the matter
of our soul?

peek-a-boo