holiday blues

my grown children
came and went
the house
was filled
with laughter
with activity

so many memories
to add to those
of the past

but each year
it seems
they become
more poignant
more precious

I do not let them know
I weep
when they leave

the house sighs
too

I am coming

I am coming,
I am coming to water's edge
at last we will meet
perhaps exchange thoughts

I will stay near
as near I as I can
I will listen
to the sounds
water makes
in the repeated fashion
I love

I never thought
this encounter
would occur
so near the place
where I saw the faces

in anguish and despair
calling out for
fresh water
despite the fact
so much salty water
was around
not soaking in the ground

but standing everywhere
taking the brunt
of human anger
for deeds
that should not
be blamed on
an element

that only goes where
it naturally should
if it could....

ocean current of thought

the collective consciousness
a strong ocean current

listening in
hear the babbling

the power of thought
clouded with confusion
and fear

put something in the stream
to negate the confusion

and fear
will disappear

fear not the silence, know thyself

silence within, without
no pressure to be
anything

when silence comes

a peace settles
in my soul
my body

I am present
with who I am

I accept the wisdom
that is buried
deep within

I visit this place often
and the rush of life
slows

to let me know
I am alive

It is what it is

Hands outstretched
for water

that priceless element
of Mother Earth

faces filled
with despair
lips cracked with
thirst

asking for water

we see water's power
we have growing respect
for this ancient element

we talk of nothing else

watching its power
invade our
meager attempts
to contain it

it doesn't try to humble us
but succeeds anyway

putting us in our
place

which needs to be
changed

if humankind
wants to live along side
this magnificent
intricate,
can't-live-without-it
substance called
w
a
t
e
r

we have a god

we have a god
not spelled with
a captial "G"

we have a god
spelled o i l

we pay homage
with our lives

we spare nothing
to accumulate more

we panic when we
fear there's not
enough

we don't care the
source
as long as
we don't go
without

the visionaries
speak of using less
to save our future
from being filled

with constant thoughts
of how and where
we can get more
than our share

of the total that
should be used
by all on earth

we care little about this
as long as we
can make and take
ours vehicles
our trips

some would say
the sacrifice
is being made
in human cost
in desert lands

wake up, O people
this god
demands much

my prayer for water

if water is pure
then human bodies
will reap the benefits

when water is defiled
humankind is defiled

I pray without ceasing
that water
will find health


and the beautiful
molecular structures
made as a result
of human love

will once again
be with us

Drumming for the good of all

a new drumming circle
four men and four women
balanced

our intent was to drum for health
and well-being of people
strangers to most of us

the drumming began
each listening to the beat
adding our own rhythms

to the ebb and flow of vibrations
felt through the skins
of our drums

we lose ourselves to
become one in sound
adding our thoughts
to the collective consciousness

as the drumming subsides
we feel the intense
energy in the room
we revel in its power

we are thankful we can
drum with like minded
people
who know
the power

of the drum

I would say...

I would say that human behavior has caused water to destroy. I would say that the "collective consciousness" of humankind and planet earth are intricately entwined in ways we are beginning to discover. Life responds to life. We respond to earth and she to us. She carries the burdens of human misery and human shortsightedness. We are not separate, but one.

A vision that includes humankind must also include our habitat or we will parish.

water hears

water lying stagnant
impure, defiled

human flesh
joined as one
with water
that left its
boundaries

we curse its name
shake our fists
in rage
at what water
has done

but those who
know water best
know
that when love
is spoken
water reacts

to make itself
intricate
and beautiful

human words
fill the air
with all that
is vile
and then
we wonder
w h y

water
responds with
distruction

hear what was said

what have you spoken
in the travisty of distruction

would we know your words
if we heard them

or have we ignored
for too long

not recognized the wisdom
in your actions

some would say you speak not
that only ancient peoples
believed these things

but I say, you have been
speaking and will continue
until those who hear

translate your actions
into words with meaning

I am so happy to be back (blogging and ......)

I have been gone what seems like a long time. During this absence I have been moving into my old, new home on Cross Street. The furniture is in place and the numerous odds and ends are finding their way too. I got a new computer and set it up today. It has all the bells and whistles. I know I will need assistance and training in its use.

As I am writing this, I hear my water fountain in the dining room. I sometimes can't believe that I am actually moved in. It has been a long process really beginning after my mother's funeral. But that's behind me and I look forward to a new year in my old, new house.

love song to earth

I love the way you look
when I see pictures
of you in space

you are so beautiful
and I feel such love for you
I can't explain this love
but it is very strong

I want to wrap my arms
around you
and hold you tight
I want you to feel
the bounty of my love

If I could, I would keep you
in my thoughts night and day
so that no part of you
wouldn't know this
profound feeling of kinship

As I sleep tonight I know
you will be there
in the morning
you have such love
for all the creatures who
inhabit you

some might think this love song
strange
but others would find it
comforting to know
that what they feel

is shared. . .

it speaks for itself 

in the words of Bob Dylan....

how many deaths will it take til he knows
that too many people have died
how many times must the cannon balls fly
before they are forever banned

the answer is blowing
the answer is blowing
the answer is blowing
in the wind

how many times can
a MAN turn his head
and pretend he just doesn't see

the answer, my friend
is b l o w i n g
the answer is
b l o w i n g i n t h e w i n d

and I would add.......

catch what's blowing
in the wind
write it on human hearts
so that lessons
are forever

remembered

not as fighting words
but as peace filled
sonnets to human

preservation

today I pack

I was right to do this
make this change
I have a feeling
many changes are in
s t o r e

Tuesday is moving day

Today I walked through my house recalling all the indecision I had over the past two years. Now that the decision has been made, and my house is getting closer to being completed, I can't imagine not making anything but this decision.

Carpet was installed last weekend and I am having the cable and newspaper changed to the new address so I guess that means it's really going to happen.

My home will reflect my love of earth and her creatures. There will be a water fountain just inside the front door. My daughter Elyse is calling the living room, the "Forest Room". We are going to use her pictures from trips she has taken other summers to decorate that room.

One of my favorite pictures is of ancient Cedar trees taken in Idaho. I remember walking along the pathway observing the absolute stillness and majesty of the Cedar forest. My friend, Gretchen, whom we visited in Idaho, also took us to see a Cedar tree that was around before the birth of Christ. I put my hand on the wood of its trunk and was in awe over its endurable spirit.

For the first time in my life, my home will truly reflect who I am and what is important to me. I wanted it to be a sanctuary. The whole experience for me has been one of insight and deep reflection. That is due to many things but mostly because of Tara, the special person who took my house and me on a journey. With gentle guiding hands, she transformed what was plain into something rich with color, mood and song.

Every house should be so fortunate.

it's 3:00 a.m. and I can't sleep

water calls my name
nudges my spirit
swirls me about
in imaginary play

I am no longer
separate
but in union
with millions
of drops
of water

air in my lungs
is not needed
as I submerge
with the motion of water
I dance
I twirl
I thrill
to be a part
of an ancient one

the reward 

today I watered my tomato plants...

I really enjoy watering my tomato plants. I bought them from the local hardware store. They appeared to be on their last legs. But I planted them anyway and watched them grow into hearty plants. I rejoiced when I began to see blossoms appear and, of course, hope these blossoms will turn to red fruit.

I enjoy standing with the hose pointed at what I imagine are thirsty roots. I think in my head how thankful they must be to have the shower of cool water dripping on their leaves, soaking into the ground, sinking beneath the soil. I also imagine the tomatoes that will eventually hang on the branches and how I will come to the plants anticipating my reward for all this care.

I remember other tomato plants in past years which always seem to thrive in this very spot in my garden. The soil has rested a bit for the last two years. When my mother died I had no desire to plant things. But when I saw those straggly plants....buy one get one free, I couldn't resist. Now....everyday I water, watch and wait for tomatoes and the return of things that celebrate the normal.

a soul's longing to know 

what does it take....

what does it take to
access

Y. . . .o. . . . u

enter the doors of a
place of worship

sing from a book
of religious songs

read from the Bible

pray with words
written by others

adhere to
doctrine and creeds


None of these things are required

You are only a breath away. . . .

ready, willing, anticipating

the next human soul

l o n g i n g

to know what makes

Y. . . 0. . . .u

t
i
c
k

LOMO

This week I am coordinating a day camp for 35 kids. Our staff of counselors are from the Lutheran Outdoor Ministries of Ohio. We have 3 young women and 2 young men. One of the girls is from New Zealand. As in any gathering of humans, regardless of age, there have been the predictable conflicts with some campers threathening not to return. All of these threats have yet to materialize, but tomorrow may prove otherwise.

So far as church coordinator I have had to call Animal Control to report a poor hapless possum found sleeping under a bush near our play area. If this possum is smart, he'll find another place to rest during the day. I also questioned a man parked under a tree in our parking lot eating his lunch. He had no affliatiton with our church and was hestitant to provide his name although I introduced myself. One has to be so careful these days.

The campers were asked today what their favorite part of camp was so far and two boys said that meeting the other was their favorite. This resulted partly because on the first day one of the boys did not want to eat his lunch sitting in the grass. He was afraid of bugs crawling on him or his food. He had a bit of a food strike but with the encouragement of his friend, finally finished eating.

The activities for the day, which runs from 10:00 until 3:00, include lots of really fun singing of "camp" songs, doing neat crafts and playing large group cooperative games and study and practice of prayer. Snacks and lunch are included. We are now eating inside because of the 90 degree summer heat.

Tonight we had a pool party for staff and volunteers. It was relaxing and fun.

My daughter and I are thinking of going to one of the Lutheran camps in Ohio for a week. Both of us have worked at this camp. I worked there for 10 years during my summers. My children were practically raised there. Each of the three have had different reactions to returning.

I am happy to be able to do this. Next week I will be moving into 123 Cross St. What a busy, productive summer this has been.

today I feel.....

great, stupendous, relieved
I am seeing progress
I am putting things in
perspective
I know there is an
end in sight

healing hands 

mary ann

friday I had a massage
mary ann's gift
of healing touch
reached into
my soul
turned a key
opened a door
and let the pain out

sometimes I drift
sometimes I soar
sometimes I cry

I am not afraid
to "go there"
anymore
by facing my
imperfections
my dangerous zones

I can reclaim all
the bounty that
waits just a
quantum leap

a w a y

words that come to mind....

overwhelmed

smoothered

burdened

freaking out

small

out-of-control

decision making overload

incapable

wishing for
invisibility

burdened with
accumulation

misunderstood

wanting to escape
and hide in a cave

what did you say....
throw it away...
I never meant for you
to be saddled with
the sorrow of stuff

thanks, m....
I needed to hear that

fact or fiction....

remember as a child
mixing water and mud
stirring round and round
patting them flat
letting them dry
offering them to friends
with a smile

in Haiti
there is no pretending
mud pies are on
the menu

can this be true?

exclusion

pictures of the holiday
everyone smiling
passing them around
chatting about the fun

no one notices
the pretending going on
no one seems to care
that the invitation
was never extended

don't take it
personally
don't let them know
or see the pain

they are friends
your friends,
your very own
friendship
really
is
excluding
no one
don't they
say?

the heaven's own fireworks 

today I cleaned

July 4th, 2005 is my day to clean, sort, recycle and bag for charity. I am planning to meet friends later at their lake house for fireworks and the more traditional holiday activities. Of course, not far from anyone's mind are those who are overseas. Regardless of one's political views, the men and women who aren't with family today are remembered and revered. We will enjoy the usual fireworks, and as one letter to the editor put it, these lights in the sky aren't supposed to kill anyone.
I pray for all humankind everywhere on this great planet of ours that their day will pass peacefully. Wouldn't that be something to weep with joy over?

not so different 

something in common

a gaunt face

vacant eyes

staring without
seeing

we have something
in common

we both require
food

sometimes I feel like a motherless child

It's almost the anniversary of my mother's death, July 12, 2003.

Even when I don't think I'm thinking about it.....it creeps up on me. Sometimes it seems it happened long ago and other times the grief feels like it was yesterday.

I am getting ready to sell my mother's home. I moved in when my sister and I cared for her when she became ill with lung cancer. I realized today that once I move out, it will become more final. There will be memories and some of mom's furniture in my own home but the last real tangible link will be gone. It won't be easy but very necessary. My predominant memories here are of mother's illness. I want to remember the good times. I found her driver's license this afternoon. She had it renewed in 2002. I thought to myself...it's a good thing we don't know the future.

Very soon I will be back in 123 Cross St. A wonderful person is remodeling it. She shares my joy and excitement. She is an answer to prayer. I know mother would be very pleased.

Butterflies, receipe boxes, my mother's touch are all a part of the memories I will be taking with me.

I wonder

I wonder if EARTH
feels the same
as I do

me.....on a little
piece of HER

with all my stuff

suffocated,
burdened
with accumlation

then multiply that by
b i l l i o n s

most of it eventually
languishing deep within
HER
scarring,
marring
for hundreds of years

oh.......what have we
done
and
what will we do
to change

before I go 

a special visit

A friend's blog reminds me of something that happened to my eldest daughter after the death of my mother:

My mother died in Hospice of Dayton, a wonderful organization that helps family members to witness, in a loving and caring atmosphere, the death of a loved one. One or two hours before my mother passed away, ducks came to her window and looked in at her. There was a lovely pond and garden outside her room. They ignored me although I was sitting right by the window. At the time, I thought nothing of it, but later felt its significance.

My sister and I took turns sitting with my mother for a week while she was at hospice. I had watched her every move and studied her face. I noticed mom was changing and called the nurse in to confirm my fears. The nurse thought she had about a half a day more so I immediately called my sister and other family members including my daughter, Elyse. Susan was close by and hurried over. Less than a half an hour later my mother passed away.

Despite Elyse's attempts to get to her grandma's room on time, she was thwarted by confusion and panic as she rushed to find the room she had been to many times. As she hurried through the halls of hospice, she became aware of the most beautiful music she recalled ever hearing. At the moment she was hearing the music, she was aware of herself becoming smaller and smaller as if she was watching herself while leaving earth. She arrived at my mother's room knowing she was gone.

Elyse was very upset that she hadn't had the opportunity to say good-bye and went outside to walk around the pond. While outside her eye caught the sight of a small butterfly which began fluttering about her face, landing gently on her cheek and arm. It "played" with her for a few moments before flying away.

Later that evening when we were remembering the day together, she told me about the experiences she had in the hallway at hospice and with the butterfly. I sat for a moment before I told her. Before my mother died we had joked about her coming back as a butterfly, her favorite insect, to let us know she was alright. It would have been like my mother to "visit" Elyse to reassure her and apparently she did.

realistic cast iron models 

A small section of a hugh mural 

Today I went......somewhere

What an experience I had today! I traveled with members of my church to Cincinnati to visit the Freedom Center-The Museum of the Underground Railroad. It was an outstanding display of the history of slavery and the brave men and women who helped free slaves. The museum uses well placed displays and modern technology to speak to people of all ages. The message is simple: Our history is important to us and often very painful. We want to share what we remember for future generations.

My favorite was the use of huge walls to display news videos of current freedom quests going on today all over the world. My other favorite was the movie screen that put us in the picture as a young female slave, with the help of black and white conductors, swam across the Ohio River while slave masters shot at them.

I teach this subject to my second graders and have read countless books on the subject of the Underground Railroad but have never felt the experience firsthand. There were quite a few daycare groups touring the museum. The technology will help them understand what this part of our country's history meant to African Americans. It is well worth the effort that went into the vision and completion of this fine museum.

Freedom Center experience 

Freedom Center experience 

one of many spectacular handmade quilts

I wrote these....

I wrote the last two pieces after seeing "The Forces of Nature" on PBS. I also saw 60 Minutes and ended up sobbing my heart out after the program. Two of the Marines interviewed were later killed. The few minutes of soundbites gave a glimpse of the bravery and courage it takes to be in Iraq.

sometimes....

the illusion
that we are
in charge

gives us
a false sense
of superiority

over nature and
her Domain

instead...

let us find our
place
and humbly
live accordingly

then we
will know
what ancient man
knew

we are
only

his
understanding
made
awareness
necessary

by Andy Goldsworthy 

sometimes....

sometimes........

something deep within
surfaces with such power and energy
that I wonder from where it comes

there is a sense that Earth
in all her changing glory

will have the last word

and we humans
who think we have
so much to offer

will find we were only
a passing fancy

You see beauty in all You created 

my last week of prayers

This is the last week I will be writing prayers as the assisting minister for the month of June. Again, I wanted to share the experience on my blog.

The heavens and earth belong to You
and so does the world with all its people
You are strong and mighty
Your love can always be trusted
God of love
Hear our prayer

O Lord, in all generations you have been our home
You have always been God-
long before the birth of the mountains
even before You created the heavens and earth
bring us ever nearer to You
knowing that nothing in heaven or on earth
can separate us from You.
keep us ever close.
God of love
Hear our prayer

You are the greatest
over all the gods we may put in our lives
gods of wealth, health or security
are no substitue for You
You hold the deepest part of the earth
in your hands
and the mountain peaks belong to You
The ocean is Yours because You made it
and with Your own hands
You formed the dry land
we are the stewards of these gifts
give us wisdom to be responsible
and visionaries for future humankind
God of love
Hear our prayer

Other gifts from You
eternal life
freedom from the death of sin
knowledge of You
all these things You give
so that your children
may see You
and be with You
for all time.
We thank You.
God of love
Hear our prayer

You love all people and You
want wholeness and goodness for each.
We pray this morning for those we want to
especially remember and bring before you..........

We pray again this morning
for all the families who lost
loved ones in war this week
We come in faith and love
knowing You know their pain and suffering.
We ask protection
and strength of heart for our own members..........

Give our homebound members
Your continued presence and unfailing love
We remember.......

this says it all 

my sister

My sister visited me briefly this Thursday and Friday. It was short but very sweet. We don't get to see one another very often and communication is not regular. When we are together our times are precious and I always feel the same when she leaves.........like I've gone away to camp and met a kindred spirit who I must say good-bye to. We are different but the same. What is the same is the beauty of what we share.......a profound respect for one another and a love that has no boundaries. My sister is a regular reader of my blog. So I know she will see this. I love you, Susan and always will.

I borrowed a Harley man for this photo 

o.k. everyone who thinks I lead a sheltered life 

getting ready to move in

Today I took some pictures of the house I am having remodeled. Some of the more interesting photos didn't turn out so I'll try again tomorrow. It was built in 1912 on top of ground that used to be a graveyard. The caskets were moved further up the hill to make room for housing. Some say that the houses on either side of mine are haunted. Mine doesn't appear to be. I have that from a reliable source.

the back door from inside 

the back door 

The front door 

This is my little yellow house that I love 

Thankfully

Thankfully, there are still reporters who are brave enough to go against the trend of the times.
Thank you PBS, on behalf of all Americans, that you dare to be more than just mouth pieces. Real journalism isn't dead.

Private Warriors

I just finished watching a Public Broadcasting Station program called Private Warriors. A reporter for Frontline visited Iraq reporting and filming what he saw. In a word, it was terrifying. We rode with him as he traveled around Iraq visiting and interviewing private contractors. KBR, whose parent company is Haliburton, runs a huge base in Iraq. The reporter told us that even before it was decided to invade Iraq, people hired by KBR were establishing residence there. Although, no one he spoke to could verify the cost of running such monolithic enterprizes it was documented that Haliburton has realized profits exceeding 1.2 billion dollars since the start of the war. The reporter noted that no one talks about when private contractors will be leaving Iraq and when personnel are killed in the line of duty no one accepts responsibility.

Some of the scenes were quite graphic. I could not imagine being a parent, friend or loved one of those who were attacked, burned, dragged through the streets and then suspended while insurgents cheered in the background. In the end the reporter was very relieved he reached the airport safely. He said an airport never looked so good.

The program brought to light many questions about who is profiting from the war in Iraq and why there doesn't seem to be a traceable paper trail about some of the contracts.

PBS has recently gone on the air asking for public outcry because some of its major funding is being cut by congress. It doesn't take too much imagination to figure out why.

May the warm winds

"may the warm winds of heaven
blow softly upon your house

may the Great Spirit
bless all who enter there

may your moccasins make
happy tracks in many snows

and may the rainbow always
touch your shoulder"

Cherokee blessing

might I behold thee 

Inca saying

"Might I behold thee,
Might I know thee,
Might I consider thee,
Might I understand thee,
O Lord of the Universe."

Oh, the comfort

"Oh, the comfort,
the inexpressible comfort
of feeling safe with a person,
having neither to weigh thoughts....
but pouring them all out,
just as they are,
chaff and grain together,
certain that a faithful hand
will take and sift them,
keep what is worth keeping,
and with a breath of kindness,
blow the rest away."

Anonymous Shoshone Tribal Member

not by chance 

not by chance

I found a friend whom I can share with
every thought that tumbles out
we share so much
our pasts are similar
what synchronicity this has been

we understand what hiding means
invisible is never just a word
when we're together
talk is seldom superficial
deep and meaningful
it usually is

many friendships
I have treasured
thankfully, once again
synchronicity has
blessings in store

wordless wonder 

Knowing You

knowing You
does not take human doctrine
or expounding on Biblical text

knowing You
takes only desire

for You make
Yourself available
in the breathless wonderings

of the human heart

Today I write my prayers

At the church I attend some of us take turns being the assisting minister. That involves writing prayers and assisting pastor in the distribution of communion. Today I thought I would share the process on my blog. I usually read the scripture that is assigned for the day and use thoughts from there to write prayers. The scripture readings for this week are: Jeremiah 20: 7-13, Psalm 69:8-11 (12-17) 18-20, Romans 6:1b-11 and Matthew 10:24-39.

We praise Your magnificent name. Your power and glory is displayed in the heavens for all to see. You put within us knowledge of You. You beckon us to know You. You want nothing to stand in the way of our relationship with You. You invite us to seek you in silence.
God of love.
Hear our prayer.

For Jeremiah your message to Jerusalem burned within him. He could not hold it in despite receiving ridicule from his listeners. In the end you prevailed and your message was shared. We have a message of love and forgiveness to share today. Does it burn within us? Will You prevail in our hearts? Lord, teach us to learn and do your will.
God of love.
Hear our prayer

Lord, we acknowledge you and ask for courage to share your goodness and gentleness in all the world, having no fear of those who would silence us. Give us your wisdom and perfect timing.
God of love.
Hear our prayer

We offer thanks for good and generous fathers who have been a blessing to their children. We ask that they might keep their focus on you, the perfect example of parenthood.
God of love
Hear our prayer

We pray for parents and families everywhere in the world. Give courage and help to those who struggle to feed their children, to shelter them and to protect them from violence and war.
God of love.
Hear our prayer.

We ask you Lord for comfort and healing for those who are ill. We name...............
Give patence to all for whom healing does not come quickly, and strong faith to those nearing death.
God of love,
Hear our prayer.

We pray for every family who lost a loved one in war this past week. We ask that you continue to make your presence known to them in their suffering and grief. Please continue to protect and give strength of heart to our own military members. We name.........
God of love.
Hear our prayer.

Knowing that nothing can separate us from you and our worship may take place anywhere, we pray for all those who are not with us this morning. We ask blessing upon our homebound members and their caregivers and name them......
God of love.
Hear our prayer

www.afterdowningstreet.org

Tonight I watched C-span2 for about two hours. The topic was a hearing held in a small, cramped basement room in the Capital Building. The hearing gave congress men and women the opportunity to ask questions of a panel regarding the Downing Street memo. There is a web site which better describes the issue than I can in this post. Go to www.afterdowningstreet.org
I plan to keep up to date on what's happening. At last, the silence is broken and a promise was made to the American people that this issue needs answers and will not go away.

fragile friendship

some friendships are fragile
they go along seemingly well

and then words spoken
close the doors once opened

oddly, words that close doors
can also open them--hesitantly

cautiously

for a little "look see"
maybe the fragility can weather
the tempest of the storm

the world as we know it in second grade